Chapter 2 The Weight of The World

Chapter 2
“ She’s got such a pretty face, But….” Seems to be the reaction of everyone I have come in contact with. “You are such a pretty girl”, is what people often tell me when they are trying to “help” solve my weight issues. Yes this I know, I am one of the lucky ones that seems to be blessed with good looks, but people seem to have trouble getting passed the issue of my weight. For once in my life I would love it if someone could say, “ You are just so pretty!” or “ Wow look at how beautiful that girl is!” Instead at the end of every compliment I get the “But” or the “ If you could only lose the weight, imagine how pretty you would be.” Seriously, just because a person is over weight does not mean that the way they look on the outside should alter any perception of what “we” are like on the inside. Sometimes I can relate to those caged monkey’s in the zoo. I constantly feel like I am surrounded by glass with people starring, pointing, and wondering about the “Fat Girl”. I constantly tell people I could literally give a rats ass about what people think of me, but deep down inside…..I do care. I mean we all do. Everyone always wants to make a lasting impression on the people we come in contact with, and I personally don’t want to be remembered as the “FAT” girl. When walking through the mall or anywhere I am always trying hard not to read too much into what other people are thinking about me. I try really hard not to make judgments about what people are thinking about me just based on my physical appearance. The glares and stares of people looking my body up and down with their eyes, makes my mind spin around in circles wondering what they think about me, and how they can’t see the person I truly am, over the weight of my body. Guys make this especially hard, because come on what guy says “my dream girl weighs 300lbs, and has the biggest ass I’ve ever seen!” Ummm I believe no guy anywhere would be raising his hand at this kind of deal. What hurts the most is standing next to someone who is thin, but not as attractive in the face as you are, and no guy in the room will even bother to come up and hit on you, because all they see is your physical appearance, there fore, they choose to hit on the skinny girl instead. I mean let’s face it….in America this happens, and no guy can tell me that they haven’t done this before!! It’s a simple fact of life. Skinny always prevails over the “Over Weight” crowd. For myself this has happened more than on one occasion. It hurts deep down inside because you quickly discover just how truly shallow people really are. Being a girl that is indeed “Over Weight” I tend to be attracted to “Bigger or Larger” guys because I feel like I have a better chance at “landing” a “Fat Boy” than a skinny one. How’s that for posting judgment on other people? As much as I preach about judging people that are “ Over Weight”, I will be the first to admit I do judge people that don’t suffer from a weight problem or anyone with a body image disorder. It’s hard not to judge anyone anymore these days. I am the worst at judging people without getting to know them first, I honestly believe that I have this problem because I am constantly judged by other people everyday, and this makes me extremely insecure. I consider myself to be very strong willed, but some days I feel like the whole world has come crumbling down, and I don’t know how to pick the pieces up. I think God gives us challenges we are faced with everyday for a reason. Do I understand this? No, not by any means, but, I honestly believe that by being faced with the challenges of being over weight, it makes me stronger everyday. I know some of you whom are reading this going “ How in the hell can being FAT make you stronger?” It just kind of has a “weigh” of working itself all out. Because, I have been faced with the trials and tribulations of being over weight my whole entire life it has made me more aware of people in general. I believe that because I have been mislead and mistreated over and over again by many people in my life time, I have learned to channel my frustration for all those ignorant people, and turn it into a positive thing. I no longer harp on the hurt that people have for people who are faced with weight problems, I look beyond their ignorance and rise above it. I realize that people are going to continuously judge me, probably until the day I die, and I will probably continue to judge people, not out of meanness, but out of habit, which is still no excuse, but just a fact . My reason for writing this is not to feel bad for those of us who are “FAT” but just to raise awareness that we are people too. Don’t treat us like caged animals, treat us like a human being, a human being that has feelings and emotions. We can see the stares, head turns, pointing, and whispering, and even sometimes we can hear the comments people mutter under their breath. I say to you the next time you see a person that looks anything but “average”, consider their feelings first before you decided to publicly humiliate them and look past the physical for what is actually on the inside!